Rest. It used to be sleeping in on Saturdays, binge watching mindless tv from the couch, sitting by the pool sipping a daiquiri- before you Sophia, rest was a Sunday afternoon and a book with a cup of hot chocolate on the couch. Now? Rest is so much more.
On Wednesdays we take you to swim lessons Sophia. You love the water. You dive into the water without fear and you kick your legs and paddle your arms. 14 months and you are a natural in the water. It amazes me and humbles me to see you swimming and taking you to swim lessons is one of the highlights of my week.
On swim lessons night we like to eat dinner out- recently we had our swim night dinner at Chikfila. We sat next to a mom having dinner with her daughter. After they finished their meal the mom bought an ice cream for them to share. She took one bite before the little girl looked up with big brown eyes and said “mama, I can have the rest?” And the mom just smiled and said, “well of course baby.” And she watched as her daughter, with excitement and glee clapped her hands and gobbled up the remaining few bites of ice cream. As I watched this exchange I thought and this is what motherhood is. It’s the rest.
The constant “mama can I have the rest?” and “well of course baby.” Mama can I have the rest of your time? your sleep? your sanity? Well of course baby, you can have it all. In fact it was always all yours anyway. From the beginning when you grew deep inside my belly, I gave it all to you. My strength, my blood, my heartbeat, nourishment and warmth. In a million different ways before you ever had words to ask, your eyes pleaded mama, I can have the rest? And I gave it all. And I would do it again and again because watching you grow, smile and delight in every thing I give you is impossible to describe. Your eyes gleaming when I pick up that toy a thousand times because you think it’s hilarious to throw it on the ground over and over again, your contented sigh as I give you my body to rest on as we rock our evenings away, oh baby, of course it’s all yours.
No one told me watching a tiny human take the rest of me would be the greatest joy I’ve ever known, but truthfully I probably wouldn’t have listened even if they did. I wouldn’t have known what it feels like to watch your eyes light up as I give you the rest of my blueberry muffin, or your precious giggle as I give you the rest of my morning instead of giving it to sleeping in. Yes, baby. You can have the rest, for all the rest of my days.